New Momma Breastfeeding 101

There are very few things in motherhood that have come more easily for me than others. I feel grateful that one of those things has been nursing.  Especially since this happened entirely by accident.  When I became a Mom, I had no clue what I was walking into. For some reason, I actually never considered if I was going to breastfeed or not.  I didn’t take any of those handy breastfeeding classes the hospital offers.  I gave birth, soon after they put my sweet new boy to my chest.  He latched like a champ.  We figured it out together from there.  

 

Nonetheless, there are a few things I wish I would have known. Here are a few of them.

1. Breastfeeding is crazy cool but super weird. Breastmilk is amazing! Out of nowhere your body produces premium nourishment for your baby. Crazy! Even so, breastfeeding for the first time can feel strange.  Prior to this your breasts were probably reserved  only for sexy time. Then all in one day a wiggly tiny human needs to suck on them.   Nursing changes the way you view your body.  This once sexy private area transforms into a very functional and necessary body part.  Just be warned, it may feel strange. It will likely take some time to adjust to this new use of you. It’s okay, these feelings are totally normal.
2. Breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone. Every Mom I’ve ever met has a different breastfeeding story. For some nursing comes like second nature but for many it comes with a whole host of challenges!  Sometimes your milk comes in late. Sometimes you don’t produce enough milk for your baby.  Other times Mom’s need to take medication that make it impossible to nurse.  Many babies have allergies to various proteins or food items that come in breastmilk.  Babies can be tongue tied. Other babies have suffer from reflux. At times babies struggle to latch properly. Some babies prefer the bottle- meaning you may only pump your milk.  Every Mom’s journey is unique.  Truly you are not alone if you face bumps in the road or if breastfeeding doesn’t work for you.  It’s okay, you’re still a great Mom.  Please don’t feel guilty.
3. Breastfeeding hurts. I’m not sure why I didn’t realize this before I had my firstborn but for some reason it didn’t cross my mind that nursing would be uncomfortable.  For me it took about three months to stop having blisters (sorry friends, this will happen).  Lanolin helps and they keep coming up with great products for Mom’s all the time.  Even so, you are putting your soft, prior to this pretty much always covered skin, through the ringer.  I promise it will get better.  If you can make it through those first months you can do anything!
4. Some breastfed babies don’t like bottles. With my firstborn, a very helpful lactation consultant advised me not to put any other nipples in my son’s mouth for at least two weeks after he was born. This was to ensure he was a champion nurser! I listened dutifully. What I didn’t know was that just as much as I wanted him to be a champion nurser, since I was going back to work I also needed him to be a capable bottle drinker.  He was not.  Actually, none of my kids have really taken to bottles.  My youngest never drank from a bottle. After a few months of my husband driving her to my work on the weekends to I could nurse her mid shift, I recalled that I read someplace to try a regular cup with a breastfed baby that had trouble with the bottle.  Luckily that worked and we were able to save a lot of time and gas money.  I’m not saying don’t listen to those lovely lactation ladies, I’m just saying especially if you’re a working Momma bottles are as important as boobs and babies need practice with both.  
5. Your boobs will be seen in public. With my first one I tried hard to be that Mom that snuck away to a secluded corner to nurse.  Quickly, I realized that just was not going to work.  If I wanted to have a happy baby and not miss out on valuable social interactions I was going to have to be brave and nurse that baby in public.  I started out with lots of gear- boppy, cover, water bottle, phone, etc.  Once that baby started crawling I had to ditch the cover.  Now I do my best to keep the boobs under wraps using the clothes on my body but I’m sure some unsuspecting strangers have seen my rack on more than one occasion at this point.  This goes back to point one, boobs ain’t such a big thing anymore.  I’d rather have a happy baby and get to join in when socializing, than all my dignity.  

Deciding to breastfeed is a great step into the unknown.  It’s a wonderful adventure with so many up’s and down’s, just like all the rest of parenting. Be willing to embrace some pain but I promise there is such sweetness to be found in this time. You won’t regret it.  

Best of luck, sweet new Momma. You got this.  

Kindergarten Part 2: A New Season

Growing up is hard to do.

That’s what they say right? They must have meant watching kids grow is hard to do. Watching your kids grow forces us to rip the emotional bandaid off over and over. Push them kids ahead when everything in you wants to hold them tight.  You gotta embrace the next stage even when it feels like you are still figuring out the last one. It’s a fast and furious ride, disorienting and intense.

I’ve come to realize that in this life there are moments that define us in powerful ways. These moments are the ones you keep looking back at.  They make you feel like time has flown. Somehow everything is connected to that point.  Giving birth is one of those moments.  It’s impossible to describe it fully but I know that for my whole life I will be looking back to the moment I first became a Momma, wondering how time sped so fast ahead from then.

I think God gave me a glimpse into that knowledge in the first seconds of Isaac’s life.  I remember one thought piercing through the chaos and physical pain of the his first moments of life, it was- hold tight to this moment, breathe it all in, life is gonna speed ahead from here. I felt the weight of that space, as I watched his lungs fill with air and heard his first loud red cries emerge with vigor.  Here we are five years and some change from that day.  Time seems to have flown.  Kindergarten is here.  Gotta pull off that Momma bandaid again and embrace the next step, even though part of me still keeps wondering what happened to my baby, wasn’t he was just here yesterday?

I would be lying if I said I hadn’t cried over the passage of time and the changing of seasons.  I thought that feeling would go away.  That at some point seeing life grow into it’s own skin would feel easy.  Some days it does.  Some days I want nothing more for my big boy to take care of himself.  Most days I’m so proud of who he’s becoming that I can’t feel sad about who he’s not anymore.  On occasion things get quiet and another first happens, one that in the moment feels so normal but not long ago felt so distant you couldn’t even imagine it. Like the first day your kid doesn’t need a pull up or the first night they sleep in a big bed. It’s in those spaces you are forced to grieve before you can press forward.

The past few weeks I’ve had to grieve a little so I could move ahead with joy.  I have to accept a new stage is on it’s way.  I’m not just a Mom to preschoolers any longer.

In my heart I’m so excited! I’m also so thankful.  They past five years have both been rich and joy filled. They have challenged me in a million ways.  At times weeks have felt endless. On many occasions my sense of failure felt monumental.  On the other hand, the years have seemed to zoom by and my heart has been filled with so many tiny treasured moments that I wouldn’t give up for the world.

So here’s to letting go of the past. Locking away in my heart all those sweet preschool moments with my biggest boy filled with big wet kisses, chubby hand holding and clumsy toddler limbs.  Counting these sweet days as gifts.  As moments I will never regret taking the time to share and being as present as possible in.  Now I embrace what comes next, as practice for all the times I will have to do this again and again.  I look forward to watching new skills bloom, new friends come, lots of lessons learned and hopefully still plenty of big boy hugs. Kindergarten here we come!

Love,

Amanda

Kindergarten Part 1: Five reasons why we are Homeschooling

In a few short weeks our oldest son begins Kindergarten.  His preschool years are over (insert crying emoji).  He graduates into the world of learning, schedules and heightened expectations! OH MY!

Since about the time Isaac turned three I started to contemplate our school options.  In today’s climate school feels complicated, just visit any park filled with parents of preschoolers and you will overhear many anxiety filled conversations about the variety of educational options available in our community.

When I first considered homeschooling I met with a Mom that had been homeschooling for years, just to get some insight on the day to day life of a homeschool family.  My gut reaction was to run. Not because of anything the Mom said but because I saw clearly what an investment of my time, patience, life and energy homeschooling would be.  I was afraid. I told myself I would suck it up, despite my apprehension and prepare to send my children to public school (since financially private school is not an option for us).  Of course that was just fear talking and slowly that still small voice started to speak over the next few months and years pushing me into the thing that in my heart I said no to.

Here we are, just  a few weeks away from jumping into Kindergarten and I can honestly say I am excited and mostly optimistic things will go well! I’ve noticed though, that people immediately want to know “why” we have chosen to try this route, when the inevitable discussion over “where your kid goes to school” arises. I imagine it’s a logical question anytime you encounter something different than the mainstream. Here are the answers we have mulled over in our home and have pushed us to try something different this year:

1. Our Kid.  

Every kid is different, which is pretty amazing! School is setup in a way that demands conformity and doesn’t always do the best in making room for all personalities. I was a teacher, I do not blame teachers and I have encountered some amazing teachers that take great efforts to accommodate all students.  That being said entering the system can be tough for many kids.

Our kid is extroverted, yet shy in new places, he loves to learn, run, play, loves his family and friends.  He takes great comfort in our proximity and shows no signs of being ready and is no way eager to take on the world of learning solo.  Honestly, I think he first needs to be ok playing upstairs by himself before I expect him to independently navigate a whole new world of kids, adults, as well as academic pressures for 40 hours a week.  I’m sure I could have done more to ready him for this transition.  Due to finances and preference we opted not to put him in preschool, which may have prepared him better for Kindergarten.

Overall, though I think it’s just who he is.  At this age he loves both to “do things by himself” and is very capable but on the same hand relishes the proximity and comfort of his family.  I am thankful for the connection he has with his family unit and hope that more time together only continues to build the bond our family unit shares. I hope extra time in his comfort zone will only helps him grow to be a more confident and capable as he has more and more opportunities to interact with the world independently.

2. Education. 

Brent and I are in a unique spot as we both have worked or are working in our community public schools.  We know there are some amazing kids and teachers working all around us.  We also have seen first hand some of the amazing struggles public schools face.  I could go on and on about the challenges public schools face and the reasons why are so complex, no wonder all the scholars, statesmen and laymen haven’t found a uniform solution or cause for the troubles out there.

Although, I am nervous about embracing the responsibility of educating my own children, I am in a unique position in that as a licensed teacher I have all the skills needed to do so.  We spent time in a local homeschool co-op this past school year and I saw 4 and 5 year olds  that were so kind and enthusiastic about learning! They had the freedom in their homes to explore knowledge beyond the SOL’s and approach topics in ways that felt fresh and exciting to them.  I have the power to help give this to my kids! What a gift!

3. Activity and Play.

This is the first time I’ve been full time about a 5 year old boy.  All they want to do it talk, run, explore and play! I have a pretty mild boy… nonetheless it’s tough for me to envision my boy, who wakes up in the morning with playing with Rescue Bots and catching frogs on the brain, spending the best hours of his days indoors at a desk.  This next year during normal school hours we will have the chance to play soccer, do tumbling, learn with other kids at a bible study, learn at a co-op, go to parks, sleep in, play at home, check out books at the library and spend a little time each day practicing reading, writing and math.  It seems like he gains so much time and freedom back this way.

I know from my experience as a teacher so much time is wasted at school.  I mean if you’ve ever had to manage 20 some 5 year olds you just realize everything takes forever.. there is no avoiding this fact. Just imagine how long it takes to get out of the door of your own children and then add 20 more kids to the mix and you get the picture.  Teachers are hero’s to even attempt to accomplish meaningful learning with 5 year olds on a daily basis! It’s my hope to save some of that unavoidable wasted classroom time for my kids to have a little longer to be kids.  I want them to explore, learn, run and be free to just be kids.

4. Values.

Here’s the thing, somethings has changed in the past 25 years since I was a Kindergartener, the expectations of what values we impart to the next generation has gotten murky. Don’t get me wrong, I am an optimist in a largely pessimistic world.  I know some rockstar A+ parents of children who thrive in every environment they are placed in.  I think good things are growing in the next generation and I hope I am apart of those growing strong and kind humans.   Nonetheless, the rules on how we collectively influence children have gotten weird.  Even with my closest friends I am not always sure how to address normal childhood misbehavior for fear I will hurt a parents feelings.  On top of this families are stretched thin these days.  So many Mom’s going it alone.  Media is everywhere changing the language our kids learn at age 5.  Etc. Etc.

I’ve spoken to many parents who have school aged children and the stories they tell are hard to hear.  Kindergarteners being told they’d be better off dead by their peers, little girls being touched inappropriately on the bus, teachers intimidating their students because they are unprepared or just plain mean.  Maybe I’ve been talking to the wrong folks but I’ve yet to hear of a person who is in love with the things their child is exposed to once entering the doors of public school.  I have faith that kids have the ability to navigate these things and with loving parents many challenges are able to be overcome.  I also know my kids will one day be on their own in this world and will have to navigate the good and bad solo.  I can’t protect them forever.

Although, I wonder when as parents we started accepting this notion that a little trauma is apart of “normal socialization?” I also just am not convinced five is the age my kids are ready for me to take off the training wheels off and let them fly.  Brent and I hope deeply that the values we hold– that we should be loving to others, we should serve others, we should always be honest, we should show kindness in every situation, we should live with generosity, be strong under pressure, persevere in hard times, we should live with joy and always be curious— are passed on to our kids.  We want to invest in our children, hopefully in a wise way, so that these values stick and help them to grow into beautiful people.  We feel extra time with us can help in us achieving this goal.  We pray God’s grace to be on this time because only he knows our hearts and can guide our kids through this messy world.  We know their are no guarantee’s in this parenting thing but we strive to do our best with what we have been given.

5. Family. 

We are in a tender season in our home.  Our boys are so close.  They play non-stop.  They also fight non-stop but they love each other fiercely.  Ruthie is fresh and the boys grow in their affection towards her each day.  There is no way I could image taking Isaac out of this equation at this stage in the game.  Our children are growing closer each day.  They make each other laugh.  They teach and challenge each other everyday.  They wake up in the morning filled with joy at the prospect of being together for another day.

I anticipate there will be seasons were togetherness is less lovely.  Where our kids need space and the ability to go it alone.  We aren’t there yet.  I want to give them this moment to lean in.  To laugh more.  To connect and be a family.

So there it is the things that have informed us to take the leap into the unknown world of homeschool, at least for this next year.  We will take it year by year and see what we feel is the best method for our family.  These are the things God has placed on our heart but our choice is not the right choice for anyone other than us.  I really believe if you are a invested parent your kid can thrive and learn in so many spaces.  There is no “one sized fits all” solution for education.  Not everyone Mom has the skills or desires to formally school her children.  Some children want nothing more than to be in a school.

That being said I think if you are a Jesus follower, praying hard and listening closely about how you choose to educate your kids is important.  Brent and I both have worked in a variety of public schools and there are challenges in the system.  Keep your heart open to how you can invest, pray, be apart of your kids education because we haven’t arrived once we hit Kindergarten, the work has just begun!  If we want to grow those strong and kind humans we gotta stay at this thing.

Love,

Amanda

 

Part 2: Tips for growing from a family of 3 to 4

When I was preggo with #2 I tried to look up helpful articles/blogs/etc. on making the transition from 3 to 4 (especially with a 1 year old) but didn’t find much.  I assume this is because all Mom’s in this stage of life are much too busy and tired to spend their time blogging! That being said I felt compelled to share a few of the things that have helped over the past few weeks.

1. Make time for your Partner 

When I had my oldest I was overwhelmed with the amount of love I felt for this tiny human and for a while he was all I focused on… as a result I started to feel disconnected from my husband (bad news bears).  This time we made a choice to continue to make time for each other even through those first crazy and sleepless weeks.  It helped so much! We have been able to work as a team.  Any tension or arguments that have come up have quickly faded.  It makes a world of difference when you feel you are taking on the challenge of parenting together! Some simple ways we have made time include: getting a sitter for Isaac and eating out, taking long walks with the boys, watching a show together before snoozing at night or even just sitting and eating dinner together while Isaac plays.

2.  Get Help

We are so lucky in that we have a lot of help this go around! We have both of our parents (which are wonderful).  Our church set up meals to be delivered to our home for weeks after Lucas was born.  This help has been so necessary! If people around you offer to help during this time of life… say YES! You may feel guilty but the reality is you need some help.  Having a growing family is a lot of work… it takes a village!

3. Get out

This may not help everyone… but if you are more of an extrovert follow my advice! Get out of the house, everyday! It may feel exhausting or like a lot of hassle but it will help you feel like a human and not a Mommy machine.  Also my toddler LOVES exploring and our home gets old quick.  Taking him out everyday helps him to stay busy… and sorta distracts him from the fact that he may be jealous.  Our days go so much better if we keep moving (it also helps with weight loss, all that carrying, walking and lifting is good for you!).

4.  Make Friends

This has been the most helpful thing for me.  I was working before I had Lucas so spending most of my time at home with my boys was an adjustment.  I LOVE IT but I know I would quickly become depressed if I didn’t have other Mom’s to connect with almost every day of the week.  I started attending the Mom’s group at my church the first week I was off and since then have made friends with lots of other amazing Mom’s.  If you don’t have a Mom’s group at a church, join a community Mom’s group, there are so many! Having someone who understands where you are at in life to talk to is powerful.  Plus the boys get to play with their little ones, it’s a win win!

5. Get Rest (whenever possible)

It’s hard to rest with two little ones but even if you can’t get a nap in just sit down and hold the baby when the big one is napping.  It will help keep you sane (I promise).

6. Date your Kids 

My oldest loves his Mommy and I am so grateful for this but he often struggles to see me holding and nursing Lucas.  What has helped is for me to make time just to tune into him several times throughout the day.  I also try to nurse the baby as much as possible during naps and before the oldest gets up in the morning so I am free to devote my attention to him for a while. On the flip side I make sure that I spend most of nap time as well as time after the oldest goes to bed snuggling with the baby.  When I take the oldest places that I know he is able to play more on him own (like the park or children’s museum) I wear the baby so I get some extra baby time.   I still often wish there was more of me to go around but that is one of the unavoidable challenges of having a growing family.

7.  Shower everyday

It will help you wake up and feel better about yourself… even if you just slip back into your sweats.

8.  Keep your expectations low & don’t be too hard on yourself when things don’t go how you’d hoped

Motherhood is wonderful and difficult.  It makes you a better person but sometimes you feel like a failure.  We are Mom’s for a lifetime so if one day doesn’t go well you have time to figure it out.

I am so thankful now that we have two little guys so close together. I am so glad they get to grow up together and it’s really cool getting to snuggle with a little one while watching our toddler develop.  Good luck to you if you are expecting or welcoming another!

Love,

Amanda